I got pregnant at 19 when I had a heart condition and was in my first year of architecture school. My boyfriend lived on the other side of the world and I felt alone and scared. My parents are ministers and I was so worried about telling them what I'd done and the consequence of that action. I had already been told that my heart might not handle a pregnancy and delivery and I was immediately beyond sick. My morning sickness was so bad, my doctor had to get special permission from my insurance for an expensive medicine to stop me from throwing up. She said if we couldn't get this under control, the baby and I were going to dehydrate or starve to death.
Most days of the first 5 months, I could hardly move. Yet not once was I not prepared to sacrifice my life for my baby's. I just prayed God would save him before He took me. My family eventually knew and were helpful and gracious. But there were other parties involved that demanded I get an abortion saying I could always "try again" for another baby in the future if I wanted. My response was that I could never have THIS baby again and that, though the circumstances were not ideal, life throws you curveballs and you have to find the purpose in them and learn to somehow thrive through the path before you.
My last trimester was also a struggle and I gave birth all the time praying my son would live even if I didn't. And as soon as he was born, my body went into shock and it looked like my fears were being realised. For the first time, I prayed for myself. Asked God to let me live, too, so I could see my baby and be the one to love him throughout his life. I wanted him to have me as much as I wanted to have him. I was spared that day and was later able to hold the love of my life and examine his perfect face, fingers, and toes.
Life as a single mother hasn't been easy. But everything in this world that is worth anything takes effort and sacrifice. My son has been the most worthwhile thing about my life and I'm just grateful that I was given this blessing that I didn't even know I wanted at a time that I didn't realise I needed it. I'm so glad I don't live a life where my son isn't a part of this world. He is bright and funny and compassionate. I have no doubt he will make his mark on the world as he has on my heart. He never felt like a choice, he felt like a gift.
I know the loneliness and the fear involved in an unplanned pregnancy and my hope is that everyone who goes through what I did realises they don't have to be alone. And realises you have real choices beyond to abort or not. I hope you find a helping hand and realise you are beautiful, you are pure, you are worth celebrating, and you are LOVED.